U broke the news to me...n somethin else...

Cant say i never forsee it comin...

This day, this scenario everythin...

Knew its gonna happen n yet...



Y did i bluff myself?...


It has been n still is the same...





Why bother givin my comments,opinions,thoughts?....


It never realli matters...


Things have always happened this way...wadever happens i might seem in control but the truth is far from it...how many can understand??how many can relate?? no one will NEVER understand fully...onli when the feelin hits u first hand will u ever experience it...dats quite a laugh though...doubt anyone realli leads the charmed life of mine...


Had the same feelin...same as always...sigh dunno y but this "gift" of knowin when somethin bad is gonna happen...why?...why cant it be wrong for once...jus this once...


I guess im askin for too much...



gonna stop now...keyboard feels wet better not spoil it...

Sigh its 2.30 am in the mornin n i have work in a few hours n yet i cant sleep...sigh wonder y...

Maybe cuz thinkin bout someppl?


Maybe cuz worri bout someppl again?


Maybe feelin guilty for causin someppl's close one to be sufferin...


Maybe jus unsure bout myself n how im thinkin n wad im doin...






but maybe fiddlin with my new phone n cuz jus had macs n too full too sleep! =X


well i dunno...but i guess im gonna have lots of time to think/worri/reflect n realli get to know back who i once was...


P.S the Mac spicy burger was wicked tasty n i love my new phone :D somethin that has novelty to distract me ba...

sigh so many ppl who think they know it all...know wads goin on...fools...how many even know wads realli goin on?



none...


used to think dat one person did but turns out wrong...


no one...


not den, now n most prob never...


The past is somethin dat cannot be changed...



The past is responsible for the present...



The past is gonna shape the future...


One can never get rid of the past...


It always catches back up one way or another...



If dats the case y bother myself with such thoughts...

maybe experience can onli be earned thru dis way...

since wadever dat is comin has already been decided on by the past...
n im neither here or there...

Im realli tired now...cant realli help it but if dis is gonna be the way things keep goin on so be it...have done n said wad i need to n once again things r out of my hands n if dis is the choice so be it...im tired of everythin...tired of work...tired of school...tired of pw...tired of bein made the scapegoat n the punchin bag...tired of bein used...tired of bein or even tryin to be nice...n the list goes on...but most of all im tired of bein fooled again...


Tired of livin...wishin for all to end...

found the song dats stuck in my head...end of days...how fittin...got the translation n lyrics which basically speaks for me more den anythin else now...

listen to the lyrics n feel the emotions...
http://jay-chou.net/lyrics_view.php?a_id=3&s_id=3

end of days

Have been workin my ass off for the whole of last week n am damn tired...money i got comes in n leave the next moment...sigh...spendin it like water sia...somethings dat took up a chunk of my gold...

1)windbreaker-$120
2)addidas jacket (gettin it tmr on reserved now)-$90
3)clothes-$90
4)more clothes dat is comin-$34
5)gonna get new shoes-$89
6)protein n creatine-$80+$40

= a lot of money gonna be spent... x.x

emotions r fast flowin...dunno whether to be happy or sad...one moment im up the next came crashin back...when will dis cycle end?...either when i give up everythin or dat im six feet under i guess...

Pw is kinda screwed up...shant mention bout it...but somethings seriously in late is gettin on my nerves n the last min screwed ups r seriously pissin me off...argh...sigh jus get this crap done n over with n the end...never want to go back to doin this sort of stuff ever again...

when in doubt do nothin...no wonder im never doin anythin i guess...

Bleah has been workin my ass off for the past few days...rushin here n there n still got school work to do...guilty consicence finally kicked in so decided to rush n do as much as i can for my part in the oral presentation thingy...though its most prob gonna take up most of my sleep tonight n leave me drain again for the third day in a row for lack of sleep but oh well might as well get it done n over with...aint goin school tmr shall stay home to rush it finnish n go for work den..

Work has been taxin n tirin but oh thanks nick-t for workin under ur mum gave me some experience with containers n cargo so kinda help on the first day...though it didnt help by the fact that went for HNF before dat n gymed leavin me with barely enough energy to complete the tasks...once again im reminded on how money is hard to get by but still find it hard to control my spendin as i jus blew off 120 bucks on my windbreaker =X

Though im physically tired these days n bein drained out i relish in these moments...moments where u r tired till the brain becomes numb n where all thoughts jus cease...the body becomes a machine n tool where worries no longer plague the brain...dunno where im headin towards now...all so messed up...i myself dun even know wad i realli want...or to even dare to harbour hope...

A lvl chinese is comin but haven prepared for it...shoots...gonna miss another softball trainin tmr once more due to work n most prob again on friday...sigh...sorri coach...promised i will train properly once i return...

Over the past few days had some good moments, bad moments, dubious moments, tired moments,adrelanine rushin moments, over all mixed moments...each moments leads to subsequent thoughts but buried them all by forcin myself not to think at all..."thinking can hurt your chances...n i intend to last" an extract from handmaids tale...how ironic...dun even know wad u want me to think now...



MY BRAIN IS NUMB!!!

Hope n despair...

The extreme ends of each other...
one moment i was filled with hope...the next...
yet both of them falls on the same coin...
dont lead on or be indecisive...
Jus different sides...
dunno wad side should i even be on...


In the end...does it even matter?